I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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