i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
