maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My dick has a subreddit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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