It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
