The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
