so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
