your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
