I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
