So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
