It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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