I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
