We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
