I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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