I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
