i don't like sucking hair
I want to have your abortion
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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