buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize