that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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