then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
