I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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