when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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