My hand turned me down
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pants are for mortals
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
