i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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