I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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