My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
