Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
