my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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