She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
