please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
