Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
