it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
