i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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