If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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