Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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