He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
