So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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