I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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