i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
