yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
