PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
