We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
