You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
