You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
