Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
