that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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