For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
