I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
