I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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