I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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