I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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