Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
