Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
