I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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