They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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