I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
