my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
