I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
