just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
