and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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