yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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