i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
