I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
