I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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