Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
