yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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