KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
