I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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