Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
