the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize