"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
