Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
