How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
