I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
