I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize