Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
