You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
