I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
