last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
