I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
